Mind you, I was the only married woman at the table and the only mother!
One of the three girls is living with her boyfriend of four years.
The two others are single, sans children.
In the midst of my venting, Esther asks me- when is it good? I was taken aback by her question and felt awful for making it sound like it is all bad. I meant to articulate how difficult it is- not bad. My explanation to her was that I have everything I have ever wanted. Everything I could ask for. If I were in her shoes, what I have- is what I would be longing for...yet, at times- I cant help but envy her freedom. Her quiet time. Her ability to come and go as she chooses. That sounds glorious to me- yet, if I had it- I would want what I have now!!!
Life is crazy. Life isn't always easy. This I know well. But I love my life and I love my kids even when I feel the desire to put my head through the wall. Even when Chloe fights me to brush her teeth- every morning and every night. Even when she insists on wearing only pink- every day with a closet filled with everything but pink. Even when my son pees on the floor while staring at me in front of the potty seat. Misshapen chaos of well-seeming forms!
Our conversation was clearly confused and in the interim, bad and difficult was lost in translation.
From last nights conversation on, I will make a conscience effort to say what I mean and mean what I say- the best that I can.
Parenting accompanies the good, the bad and the ugly. In order to keep manhood alive, I will put my best efforts forward to include all three in future conversations!
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering--and it's all over much too soon.Woody Allen