The missing pit


When I think of my grandmother, her tight hugs, her outrageous stories, her great cooking, I get a pit in my stomach. I call it "the missing pit". I would love some more time with her. To be able to see her with my children would make me the happiest person. I know she's watching from above and continuously guiding me with the wise words she left behind- but its not the same. I miss her terribly. She was my first best friend and the last person to break my heart.

I thought I would have this feeling being away without my family. I didn't get it! Am I horrible? In Puerto Rico, I woke up- on my own, for the first time in four and a half years. I went to the bathroom by myself. I showered alone. I ate uninterrupted. I lounged by the pool without being asked for something every 35 seconds. Sure I missed them. I thought about them throughout the day and night. I just didn't get the pit in my stomach! I guess it's because I knew I would see them again, and within a few short days, the chaos would return to my life.

I believe every mom should take a trip without their family. Even if only for a night or weekend. It recharged my soul. I was losing my mind before I left and felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I feel appreciated now that I'm home. They were lost without me, hubbie and all. Even the dog went crazy when I got home!

Unfortunately, I think that might be the end of trips that far and that long until the kids are bigger. Chloe called me every day so hysterical I could hardly make out what she was saying. The one thing I did hear was, I shouldn't have let you go mom! I didn't know she had a say and I guess neither did she...but it made me feel bad! I still didn't get the pit- but I did feel bad that I was the reason for her sadness. Max on the other hand, used the floor as his potty to show his anxiousness about Mama's absence.

It took about 5 days after I got home for my kids to realize I was coming back from the store. Every time I left, the cries and screams that came from my home were the saddest sounds I ever heard. I may have not gotten the pit in my stomach being away from my kids, but they sure did. As a mom, that's all I need to know that I can't leave them again. At least not for now- until they are a little older. Or until they drive me crazy again!

Pit or no pit, I know my grandmother is proud of my choice to go away. Although she can't tell me herself, I know. I wish we could sit and talk and laugh about the adventures of Puerto Rico...oh how she loved a good drinking story! For now, I'll miss her- and talk to her the way I do- and continue to miss her...pit in my stomach and all.

15 comments :

  1. I think Moms do need to re-charge themselves and get back to that place of feeling 'themselves' and not just mom or wife or cook or maid or anything else. It helps to give your best to your family. Too many look down on that maybe because they're not so bold to do it themselves, but I think it's needed :)

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  2. Thanks for visiting my blog earlier! I do hope you join in on the book club. :-)

    I hope you had an amazing vacation! I have that pit in my stomach for my grandma too. I just wasn't ready for her to go...and years later, the pit in my stomach still remains.

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  3. Cole- Grandma's just have a special place in their granddaughters hearts- no matter how old we are.

    I would love to join the book club- I love reading and miss it!!!

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  4. Vacations SHOULD be a must for moms! The mothers from my daughters class were calling me their hero!!! LOL

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  5. It is so hard to leave little ones when they give those cries...
    I'm sure they are all over you with love when you return from the store lately! I would love a trip w/o the kids, but like you said, I think I'll wait until they're older.

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  6. Honestly...& this is going to sound selfish- it was the best thing I ever did for myself. I know it was hard for the kids- but I really needed a break in service. It was beneficial to us all because I feel refreshed. I can't say I will do it again soon- maybe an overnighter next time!
    I am going to bloggy boot camp in Philly & will have to be away overnight in May & Blogher which is here in NY but I will be staying in Manhattan where the event is being held. Hopefully all goes well! Thanks for commenting today- cant wait to make my chicks!

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  7. Awww. I totally get that you didn’t get that pit in your stomach while you were gone. Sometimes people need a break! But it is really nice to know that your family loves and appreciates you. Hopefully the appreciation will last for a very long time!

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  8. We all need to recharge and I'm sure your grandmother was proud you did.

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  9. Thank you Anne!

    And Leslie- yes, its nice to feel appreciated because most of the time I dont!

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  10. <3 Beautiful Tara... Thank you for sharing <3 XO Tammi

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  11. I'm so sorry. I never knew my grandmother(s).

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  12. That's terrible-grandma's are the best.

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  13. I know that feeling well. 20 years later and I still miss my grandmother so very much. Thanks for sharing <3

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  14. I know it will never get better. She's gone close to 6 years now.

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